sei molto cocciuta...

Now, because I chose to follow my pockets rather than my heart, I am not doing a degree in creative writing. You probably know this because you probably know me, and therefore know a little bit about me. I do know, however, that there are a few people dotted around the world who read this (yes, I'm as surprised as you are) who probably don't know much about me. Please bear in mind that this is not the original premise of the blog post, so feel free to join me in a couple of paragraphs' time if you already know all this about me.

My name is Anna Mary Morgan and I am eighteen years old. I currently study French and Italian at the University of Warwick. I am from Kidderminster which is a bit of a dive. It is near Birmingham which I think is an underrated city. I am half Welsh. My favourite food is goats' cheese, but I also like spinach very much. I put it in everything. I am vaguely vegetarian but I eat fish and I eat meat if I have no choice (for instance at someone's house if they haven't realised and have prepared a gourmet meal). Saying this, I have only eaten meat once since February. My favourite meat is lamb. My favourite film is probably Juno, but I like Lost in Translation a lot. I'm sad sometimes because some sad things have happened to me, but I'm lucky in lots of ways so I try not to let it bog me down. My favourite book is probably something Brontëish, but I haven't fallen in love with a book since I was pretty young and read 'Sophie Hits Six'. I'm not sure how I have friends. I don't like to purchase clothes or books online as much as physically going shopping, but I do it all the time anyway. I really like James McAvoy. I like old detective shows. Berlin is the place I like most in the world. So far. I really dislike foetuses. I am a socialist. I am frustrated by the fact that I'm still not fluent in French. I'm not frustrated by the fact that I'm not fluent in Italian because I started learning it four weeks ago. My favourite band is Bright Eyes. I would like to be either taller or shorter. I would like to be either blonder or more brunette. I would like to be either thinner or fatter. Oh, wait, I'd just like to be thinner. When at home, I live with my mum and my sister and my dog. I miss my dog much more than the other two. Death doesn't scare me. I like floral patterns, but I'm indifferent to flowers. But I like plants. I only fall for people I have no chance with. I always forget to take an umbrella out with me. It always rains on the days I've straightened my hair. I am a Christian, but I put Christian far too far down on this list. This should give you an idea of just how Christian I am. I used to drink, and then I didn't drink for a while, and now I drink a bit again. I don't know how to talk to human beings. I have had a sore throat for a week. This list has fallen into anarchy.

So there you have it, and to get back to my original point, I'm not doing a degree in which I have to write all that much. The other day, however, we had to come up with a dialogue between two people who meet randomly. This was mine:

Emma: Scusa, lavori qui?
Connor: No, ma Stefano lavora qui. È un ragazzo alto e ha i capelli biondi.
Emma: Non importa. Piacere, io mi chiamo Emma.
Connor: Io sono Connor. Piacere! Sei inglese?
Emma: No, sono polacca, di Varsavia.
Connor: Polacca? Davvero? Sei qui per studiare?
Emma: No, sono con un’amica; è una studentessa di medicina. Dove abiti?
Connor: Abito a Firenze
Emma: Ah sì? Che bello!
Connor: No, TU sei bella!
Emma: Grazie ma ho un ragazzo.
Connor: Allora, sei contenta?
Emma: Sì sono molto contenta
Connor: Va bene, però io sono speciale!
Emma: Sì, ma...
Connor: Vuoi venire al cinema domani?
Emma: Domani, parto per Roma!
Connor: Sei molto cocciuta! A presto!
Emma: A presto! Ciao!

I had SO much fun writing it that I feel a little ashamed. She said that it was the only one she enjoyed reading. I'm not sure why I made 'Connor' a bit of a twat.

Can I say 'twat' on here? If not, sorry.

for richer, for poorer, in fiction and in wealth...

I have realised that when I make sweeping, unsubstantiated commentsin this blog, these comments are challenged and turned on their head (or just mocked) by the people who read this, resulting in me feeling a bit naive, or faintly amused at the intimidating intelligence of some of the people in my life. So yes, what I am trying to say (in the longest sentence ever) is that I need to be careful.

This is how I would usually start this post:

Now, as you know, I will never get married. I do not believe that the institution of marriage can offer me anything in my life. I am fiercely independent and I will never need a man to complete me. I am already whole. BUT, if I were to change my mind (though this is unthinkable), these men would probably be the only ones in the world that I could bear to marry.

...

So though I love writing ranty paragraphs, it may be time to refine my thought processes and write like a grown up. I probably shouldn't have chosen this post to try it, but nevertheless, here is my second effort...

I may never marry. Never say never, but I'm not sure it's really for me. In the words of Summer (of '500 Days of Summer' fame) "I just don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything". Now, replace the word 'girlfriend' with 'wife' and you're getting close to my way of thinking. I'm sure many people have happy, healthy marriages, but I don't really like making compromises or admitting that I am wrong. And I'm scared of foetuses. And foetus-presence is implied in the holy sacrament, etc, of marriage.

Nevertheless, there are a few people in this world (none of whom I have met) I believe I could put up with forever and ever:

• James McAvoy - The original, the best. Plus, he already seems to be making one marriage work, and therefore is an expert.
• Conor Oberst - It wouldn't be the most cheerful household ever, but we could have sad, gaunt children who would be musical prodigies and have weird eyes.
• Robert Webb - Mostly because of this (which I robbed shamelessly), partly because of this.
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt - He stole my heart when I first watched Ten Things I hate About You (I think I was 12) and I never really got it back.
  
• Jonny Lee Miller - He plays Mr Knightley in the good version of 'Emma' and is the master of twinkly eyed disapproval. He was married to Angelina Jolie, however who is stunningly beautiful and I'm... well... not.
  
• Auden - dead and gay. At least my taste is original...
• Remus Lupin.
• Simon Amstell.
• Atticus Finch.
• Bill Murray.
• John Hannah.

I feel like the last few need no explanation.

ode to the man with the red shining hair...

There are many things I hope to achieve in my lifetime. Some of these things such as my desire to suddenly morph into Marion Cotillard may never happen. Others, such as some day leaving Kidderminster are (slightly) less ridiculous. Somewhere on the spectrum falls the desperate hope of some day marrying Rupert Grint.

Now I don't think this is that ridiculous. I stand more chance with the Grint than I do with say... Barack Obama and following this logic, I conclude that our wedding is imminent. You see, I've always liked lovely, lovely Rupert and can probably trace him as the cause of my fondness for ginger boys through my teenage years. So in a tribute to my thirteen year old self and the red-heads who filled my daydreams, here it is - the ultimate list of ginger celebrity men! Are you excited? You should be...

1. The original and the best, Mr Rupert Grint - Look at him, just look! Without him, the Harry Potter films would be atrocious, with him they are just bad. He rocks various types of knitwear and is considerably hotter than all of his lanky brothers put together. He seems refreshingly normal, too. Perhaps this is just in comparison with Daniel Radcliffe who seems more and more bizarre every time he is interviewed...
   
   
2. Glen Hansard - 'Once' is a bit lame but I really like his band, The Frames and he seems positively lovely. Irish accents are possibly the one thing that can turn an average ginger man into an absolute Adonis. Anyone fancy a trip to Dublin?
   
   
3. Damian Lewis - There is something so oddly attractive about this slightly arrogant, freckly man, especially when he is playing a rogue, morally ambiguous Russian spy in Stormbreaker. Blimey.
   
   
4. Ewan McGregor - definitely a little bit ginge, definitely a little bit dreamy. Again, the accent is a bonus, along with his ability to serenade with the best of them and ride a motorbike with Charlie Boorman (who I also quite fancy but who, unfortunately did not make the ginger cut). Though I love 'Trainspotting', the horrific toilet scene definitely saw Ewan slip a few places, but then I remembered 'Brassed Off' and he soared back up again. Anyone who can play a brass instrument...
   
   
5. Mac from Green Wing - I believe I mentioned him last time, so I shall not drone on. Suffice to say that he is definitely an awesome ginge who can save lives and woo women while being generally lovely, funny and unattainable. Swoon...
   
   
6. Damien Rice - The man who got me out of my little greebo rut and taught me how to feel falls into a special sub-category of ginger men - the sort of man who doesn't seem to be ginger at all until he grows a beard and BAM! There it is, like a shining red beacon of hope on an otherwise cloudy day. And no, he's not that good looking but he has such a wonderfully lovely voice and a wonderfully lovely accent and a ginger beard. I don't think I need another reason...
   
   
7. The guy from Eastenders - which I have never watched, but I like his voice on the Orange adverts and he reminds me of this man I served once in Morrisons with whom I fell a bit in love when he defended me when his father was being a knob. Alas, he never came in again and I suspect he is living it up in Hawaii or Cuba. Not quite a modern Romeo and Juliet but you have no idea the things that keep you going when you spend three days a week performing menial, degrading tasks in an orange and green checked shirt.
   
   
8. Mr Bingley - actually, both of the recent portrayals of Darcy's less stroppy friend have been more than a little bit ginger. I love this character, and I am glad other people envisaged him to have red hair and it wasn't just me. Phwoar.
   
   
9. Martin Freeman - Not that ginger but this is my blog so I make up the rules. I was always a bit dubious of The Office and not all that fond of Mr Gervais, but I just didn't get it. I bought it all for about a tenner and watched it in a matter of days last summer and became an instant convert. Tim, played by Freeman is the epitome of the boy your mum would like if you brought him home and master of the longing stare. I am fairly sure I was not alone in my jubilation when he and Dawn finally got together in the final episode. I probably was the only person to be jealous...
   
   
10. Stephen Merchant - Another pioneer of the ginger beard clan who I just love. With my new-found appreciation for all things Gervais came regular viewing of 'The Ricky Gervais Show' and with that came a fondness for this very tall man. He has an accent which on others would be annoying but which renders him even more amiable. And he went to Warwick. That's me sold...
    
    
11. Robert Webb - I didn't like him at all. I assumed he was barely acting when he played the insufferable Jeremy in Peepshow. Then I watched his 'My Life In Verse' and I came around to the idea. Again, he's not that ginger, but it's there if you look hard enough...
    
    
12. Jake from One Tree Hill - More auburn than proper ginger but have you seen him?
    
    
13. And finally, because no 'best of' list of mine is complete without this adorable man, James McAvoy. He is it as far as I'm concerned, the most fanciable man on the planet. The obsession began with Mr Tumnus then escalated when I saw Starter for 1o and reached a peak when I began to watch Shameless from the beginning. He is Scottish and intelligent, and I know he has brown hair, but has occasionally been spotted sporting a beard which is decidedly ginger. This is good enough for me...

So there you have it. It was supposed to be a 'top ten' but my enthusiasm took over and it grew a little bit. Besides, thirteen is a lovely rounded number...

all that wrinkles is not old...

I'm a little bit obsessive about voice overs. I'm pretty good at recognising a voice and pinning it to its owner.

Robert Webb does a lot of voice overs, but having always seen him in funny roles, I find myself always waiting for the punchline and am therefore invariably disappointed when the joke about toilet roll is in fact not a joke about toilet roll. It's just an advert. About toilet roll. Mark Watson makes a terrific rabbit, confused about its daily intake of fruit and veg (Innocent provides an exceptional amount of fibre, in case you were wondering). Stephen Fry and Paul Merton have even loaned their voices to that of a phone and a mouse, and not even a proper mouse - the crappy plastic kind. But it's not just comedians; take any Radio 1 DJ, Sharpe, or TV presenter, and you can bet that they double their income through this wonderful medium.

Sometimes I drive myself mad trying to figure out who that oh-so familiar voice belongs to, although I of course recognised this one straight away as that of the lovely Jame Mcavoy.

Sometimes, you don't recognise the voice at all, but just note that it is a nice voice and so endeavor to find out whose nice voice it is. This happened when I heard the new Orange adverts. I then found out that the voice over was some guy from Eastenders and was horrified. Then found out that said guy from Eastenders looked like this and was somewhat placated. Blimey. I think it's time to get into soaps (though I hear that they killed him off...)

Of course, there's the music too. I'm constantly hearing songs on adverts and trailers which are completely and utterly brilliant. This lovely lovely song was on a trailer for Gossip Girl and has led to a small obsession with LCD Soundsystem (though I'm not a fan of the new album).

Basically, this blog was all just an excuse to post a picture of Robert Webb's face. I'm not sure you can call it a waste though...

And finally, I have the hands of an eighty year old woman / hag / goblin. They are all bent and wrinkly and generally witchy. They make me feel wise...

Raindrops on roses and big Green Peace sit-ins...

Julie Andrews seems to dig pointlessly listing her favourite things in an effort to cheer herself up (particularly during savage thunderstorms). I am already in a good mood, and it is merely drizzling, yet it's important to be positive amidst all the cynicism and despair in the world. Now, I am aware that I am usually responsible for much of this cynicism, but just for today, I'm going to put this aside. This is utterly random and so I apologise, but it suits my odd mood.




These are a few of Maria's favourite things...

rain, whiskers, kettles, mittens, packages, horses, pies, bells, german cuisine, nocturnal geese, fancy girls, the cold, more cold...

These are a few of my favourite things, the things that truly cheer me up "when the dog bites, when the bee stings", etc...

• James McAvoy - In Starter for Ten. Atonement would not cheer Julie Andrews up on a dreary day.
  
• Tea - White. No sugar. Nice mug. Sorted.
  
• Duvets
• TS Eliot - (I refuse to blog about poetry because it so easily becomes pretentious and there are thousands of people who have much more original, interesting ideas than I do. However, 'The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock' is the best thing I have ever read. It is just phenomenal. This doesn't count as writing about poetry. It is in brackets...)
• The Guardian - I used to want to be Hadley Freeman so much. Then I decided she was a bit too try hard. Now I want to be Jess Cartner-Morley (though of course I would never do the double barrelled thing)
• Juno - Teen pregnancy aside, she is pretty much my idol. She has a wicked turn of phrase, has a really good soundtrack AND bags Michael Cera. There aren't many girls, fictional or otherwise who can to that...
  
• Paris - I can trace this back to my obsession with Anastasia when I was little. This also lead to a slightly unhealthy obsession with the Romanovs. Anyway, Paris is just brilliant. The clothes, the cafes, the museums. Bahhh I love it...
• This
• Your face.

I am aware that even the best writers in the world probably couldn't write a hit anti-Nazi musical with these things as its basis. Maria and I don't appear to have all that much in common. She probably wouldn't make those children sing about James McAvoy, for example, but these are the little things that put a smile on my face. Apart from Paris. Paris is quite big...